Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
This is not a newspaper! This is a…a…a….a gossip-about-uninteresting-people-paper. Did you know that SPORTS is the most popular class among Israeli school children? I thought you didn’t. And did you know that most Israeli mothers think motherhood has proved DETRIMENTAL to their careers? Well, now you know! Aren’t you a happier, more fulfilled person as a result? Yeah, me too. And you’ll all be relieved to hear that Sarit Hadad, popular Israeli singer, did not collapse and was not hospitalized over the weekend, contrary to rampant rumors.

ARE THERE NO DECENT HEBREW NEWSPAPERS IN THIS COUNTRY?

So here’s the plan Bish and I have come up with. We beg, steal or borrow and become disgustingly rich. Then we buy an existing paper and fix it up so it is neither exasperatingly left wing nor offensively yellow. Hey, it worked for Conrad Black.